In the marketplace, as well as the kitchen table, perfectionism
tends to take a bad rap. Margarita
Tartakovsky, associate editor at Psych Central (psychcentral.com), in reviewing
Szymanski’s book, acknowledges that perfectionism can lead to anxiety, stress
and paralysis. But Tartakovsky, quoting Szymanski,
says that “the problem with perfectionism isn’t in wanting things to be
perfect, it’s in what we do with that desire.” Quoting Szymanski:
“. . . Research on perfectionism has found that striving to achieve
personal standards (your intention) isn’t where the problem occurs. Instead,
people run into trouble when they become preoccupied with making mistakes and
doubting themselves excessively. These ineffective strategies are, in fact,
what get in the way of reaching our desired outcomes.”
Tartakovsky explains: “Instead of eliminating your
perfectionism, Szymanski helps you determine a way to use it so it actually
works for you.”
Author Alina Tugend, in “Better By Mistake,” strongly supports
the notion that there’s such a thing as healthy perfectionism. Psych Central associate editor Therese
Borchard both reviewed Tugend’s work and shared some of her own perfectionist
tendencies. In her blog for
psychcentral.com, Borchard said: “Although perfectionism undoubtedly brings me
suffering and pain, I’ve come to appreciate the snobby part of my personality
because it also bears gifts, especially over time.”
Borchard defines adaptive perfectionists as those “who
have perfectionist tendencies without having those tendencies rule, or ruin,
their lives.” Conversely, maladaptive
perfectionists “need to be the best at everything, and if they make a mistake,
it’s a crisis. . . . They have to hit all their marks all the time. Their need
for perfectionism can sabotage their own success.”
If you’re a perfectionist, don’t fight it. Instead, turn to Szymanski and Tugend for
pathways to success.
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Afterword, on
the drawbacks to perfectionism, from psychologist Mel Schwartz:
“In our culture we move relentlessly toward greater emphasis on
achievement and goal attainment. We ask our children what their grade was, not
what they learned. We tend to measure our lives in terms of success and achievement
and lose perspective on what it may mean to live well. This ruptures any sense
of balance in our lives. We seem to lose the capacity for wonder and awe. Could
you imagine looking at a magnificent rainbow and complaining that the width of
one color was imperfect because it was narrower than the other colors? Not only
would that be ridiculous, we’d also be ruining the splendor of the moment. And
yet that is exactly what we do when we judge ourselves for our imperfections.
We forget that as humans we’re part of nature, as well. As such, we would
benefit if we came into acceptance of the natural flow of life, which by the
way, happens to be imperfect.”