“It’s time that
each and every one of us make our decisions out of what we stand to gain, not
what we might lose.” – Ian Robertson, “The Winning Effect”
If you’re a professional athlete, winning is clearly a
priority. Take the current NBA or NHL playoffs, it's win and advance. Lose and
go home. It’s a simple formula – for pro athletes, their livelihood depends on it.
But in many ways, so does ours.
Psychologists affirm what we know intuitively, that each
of us is genetically programming to strive, to seek, to excel. In the world of sports, the lines are clearly
drawn, yet these same competitive forces guide our relationships, our careers,
our decisions and our thoughts.
Competing - in sports and in business – has always been a
central part of my life. I can still remember the day, many years ago, when a
close friend told me, point-blank: “You’re the most competitive person that
I’ve ever met.” I didn’t take kindly to the remark, and soon came to regard my
burning desire to win as a negative force (I rated winning as a +1, and losing
a -9, so I was highly motivated to win, to avoid losing!). Over time, however, I’ve
come to realize that the competitive drive inside all of us – if harnessed in
the right fashion – can help us grow, contribute and succeed.
Two types of life
success
In his book “The Winning Effect,” author and psychology
professor Ian Robertson explains two types of life success (in an interview
with bgtrustonline.com):
“Success has two
main elements to it . . . The first is objective success, that is you win a
gold medal or a Nobel Prize or you get an Oscar nomination – by external
standards you are successful. The second aspect is success in achieving goals
which are authentic in terms of your own values and aspirations in life. By
definition, only a few people can be successful vis-à-vis the first type of
success but, potentially, everyone can feel successful in the second type.”
The desire to win, according to Robertson, is
brain-altering: “Success increases testosterone in both men and women [which]
in turn increases the brain’s chemical messenger dopamine, and that alters
brain function.” So striving to win – on or off the court – is part of our
physiological makeup.
How can we fully harness, and appreciate, our desire to
excel?
1.
Realize
that planning and technical skills come first. Jeffrey Spencer, in a piece
for psychologytoday.com, notes that: “All prolific winners know that life
structure and soundness of action always precede talent and will in creating
success. Just look around, there’s no shortage of people with incredible talent
and will that have dismal, unfulfilled lives because they never developed the
planning and technical skills to manifest their ambitions.”
2.
Avoid
trying to emulate a high achiever (if you’re a parent, don’t “hide the ladder”).
Robertson maintains that trying to “follow in the footsteps” of a mentor or
parent is a dangerous path. Explained Robertson, in the interview with
bgtrustonline.com: “If your parent is very successful, but doesn’t accurately
portray the bumps along the way to that successful stage [referred to as
‘hiding the ladder’] then, particularly if you admire your parents, you have an
enormously high goal for yourself.”
3.
Embrace
your desire to win (however you define it). Offered J. Patrick Dobel, in
his blog “Point of the Game”: “The desire to win leads to testing oneself
against others as a way to increase one's own development as a human and
athlete. The outcome of these encounters can be . . . personal growth . . . . These tests also
generate innovation . . . .”
4.
Improve
your success skills. Robertson emphasized, in that same interview, that: “Becoming
a consistent winner is a learned skill anyone can learn at any time. We should
never shy away from practicing or improving on our success skills as every time
we succeed we pay homage to the gift of our talents, the opportunity to
succeed, to our mentors, and the chance to inspire others to become their own
champions . . . It’s time that each and every one of us make our decisions out
of what we stand to gain, not what we might lose.”
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