Part 2 - TED talks that will change the way you view the world

Following is the second of a series on TED talks that will change the way you view the world. The talks selected are drawn from the more than 150 that I've listened to this year.  

David Christian: The history of our world in 18 minutes 

You can cast aside those old world history textbooks – historian David Christian covers it all in 18 minutes, guiding us through the history of our planet, and the elements that led us to where we are today.

Key Christian quotes:

·       “. . . what makes humans different is human language. We are blessed with a language, a system of communication, so powerful and so precise that we can share what we've learned with such precision that it can accumulate in the collective memory. And that means it can outlast the individuals who learned that information, and it can accumulate from generation to generation. And that's why, as a species, we're so creative and so powerful, and that's why we have a history. We seem to be the only species in four billion years to have this gift. I call this ability collective learning. It's what makes us different.”

·        “. . . fossil fuels and collective learning together explain the staggering complexity we see around us.”

·       “What we see around us is staggering complexity. Eric Beinhocker estimates that in New York City alone, there are some 10 billion SKUs, or distinct commodities, being traded.”

·        “Collective learning is a very, very powerful force, and it's not clear that we humans are in charge of it.”

·       “What can big history do? How can it help us? “. . . [B]ig history can . . . show us the nature of our complexity and fragility and the dangers that face us, but it can also show us our power with collective learning.”

Christian, credited with coining the term “Big History,” has developed the Big History Project, a free online course funded by Bill Gates. Christian was born in New York and grew up in both Nigeria and England. His TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/david_christian_big_history

Part 1 - TED talks that will change the way you view the world

Following is the first of a series on TED talks that will change the way you view the world. The talks selected are drawn from the more than 150 that I've listened to this year.  

Hans Rosling: “Let my dataset change your mindset”

In just 19 minutes, Hans Rosling will change the way you view the world. His stunning presentation makes clear: it’s time to stop using the term “developing world.” It no longer fits, it’s no longer appropriate and the data, simply, does not support it.

Through a series of dramatic visuals, Rosling forces us to re-map how we think about the world. Says Rosling: “The world is converging . . . we cannot put it into two parts,” namely, Western world and developing countries. “It’s far more dynamic than that.” As his TED bio explains: “. . . most of the Third World is on the same trajectory toward health and prosperity, and many countries are moving twice as fast as the West did.”

With dynamic illustrations, Rosling takes us back 200 years to chart the growth of countries around the world, then focuses on the recent growth of the middle income countries, adding: “. . . this  is where I suggest to my students, stop using the concept ‘developing world’.” Using his Trendalyzer data-bubble software, Rosling begins in the year 1802, then quickly rolls the tape forward to illustrate the dramatic changes across the globe. Trust me, you’ll be blown away.

Key Rosling quotes:

·       “There is no such thing as an HIV epidemic in Africa. There's a number, five to 10 countries in Africa, that has the same level as Sweden and United States.”

·       “I was at the Global Health Conference here in Washington . . . and I could see the wrong concept even active people in United States had, that they didn't realize the improvement of Mexico . . . and China, in relation to United States. . . .  [Mexico is] on par with the United States in these two social dimensions. . . less than 5% of the specialists in Global Health were aware of this.”

Rosling, who passed away this past February, was a Swedish physician, academic, statistician and public speaker. He was the Professor of International Health at Karolinska Institute and the co-founder and chairman of the Gapminder Foundation. He delivered this talk (https://www.ted.com/talks/hans_rosling_at_state) at the U.S. State Dept. in 2009. 

Wish you had more willpower? No you don’t – three reasons why

“Willpower is for people who are still uncertain about what they want to do.” – Helia

Forget willpower. It’s elusive, ill-defined and hard to sustain. There’s an easier way. Years of scientific research confirms that the key to lasting change has to do with habits. So if you want to make lasting change – in your relationships, your career, your attitude, your self-image – you don’t need more willpower, you just need new habits.

Says Benjamin Hardy, writing for businessinsider.com: “Whether you want to get healthier, stop using social media so much, improve your relationships, be happier, write a book, or start a business — willpower won’t help you with any of these things.” In fact, says Hardy, “willpower is what’s holding you back.”

Adds Vanessa Bennington, in a piece for breakingmuscle.com: “. . .  the superhuman willpower some people seem to possess might just be really awesome habits that make resisting less than healthy options and sticking with a fitness program effortless.”

Here’s why willpower is a fugacious solution:

1.     It’s a depleting resource; 

2.     It’ll fail unless you change your environment; and 

3.     It’s not a long-term solution.  

Depleting Resource

“According to psychological research,” says Hardy, “your willpower is like a muscle. It’s a finite resource that depletes with use. As a result, by the end of your strenuous days, your willpower muscles are exhausted and you’re left to your naked and defenseless self  - with zero control to stop the night-time munchies and time wasters.”

Len Markidan, writing for homeofficehero.com, agrees: “Self-control works like a muscle. Your self-control ‘muscle’ has a finite amount of energy each day. As it gets depleted, your ability to make willpower-driven decisions goes down. . . . Wouldn’t you rather use your limited willpower for big, important decisions than routine, everyday ones like whether you’re going to floss or read for 30 minutes?”

Can willpower help us control our anger? Little chance, says Susan Heitler, in a piece for Psychology Today: “Because the mind ‘goes backbrain’ (into being controlled by the automatic pilot part of the brain instead of the thinking part) with elevated emotions, it's too late then, in the midst of a stressful moment, to depend on sheer willpower to manage yourself well.  The better strategy is to build habits that will stand you in good stead when you need them.”

Change Your Environment

“No matter how much internal resolve you have,” insists Hardy, “you will fail to change your life if you don’t change your environment.” He goes on: “This is where the willpower approach fails. The willpower approach doesn’t focus on changing the environment, but instead, on increasing personal efforts to overcome the current environment. What ends up happening? Eventually you succumb to your environment despite your greatest efforts to resist.”

Hardy offers a quick example: “If you’re trying to stop drinking alcohol, you must stop: 1. being around people that drink alcohol; and 2. being at places that serve alcohol. Your willpower will fail if you don’t . . . . If you want to become a professional rock-climber, you need to surround yourself with professional rock-climbers and orient your whole lifestyle to that goal.”

Seek Long-Term Solutions

The message is clear: long-term change flows from strong habits, not strong willpower. But how do we acquire good habits? 

“The ability to build habits isn’t innate,” Markidan reminds us, “it can be learned.” And how we talk to ourselves makes a difference. Instead of telling ourselves, “If I did [habit] every day, life would be amazing,” says Markidan, try saying: “I’m going to do [habit] every day so that I can achieve [result].”

Markidan shares his three-step formula, drawn from two experts in the field: BJ Fogg (Tiny Habits) and Charles Duhigg (The Power of Habit). His three steps: 1. Break down our goal (the smaller the better); 2. Attach it to an existing routine; and 3. Reward yourself. Bennington offers a similar formula: 1. Identify a cue; 2. Establish a reward; and 3. “Create a plan that enables us to enjoy our reward without derailing our goals.”

Rewards. Routines. Cues. Plans. Notes Markidan: “. . . when it comes to building habits, systems are infinitely more effective than willpower.”

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USSs: Do you deliver more than you receive?

Welcome to the field of Suggestology, the science of advice, persuasion and exhortation.

What’s a USS? It stands for “UnSolicited Suggestion,” that is, a suggestion that flies off our lips even before a person has asked for one. It’s a familiar pattern between parent and teenager, between friends, at any age. 

          Statement: “I’m not feeling too well. I think I still have a fever.”

          Suggestion: “Maybe you should call the doctor.”

          Statement: “I can’t stand my boss, he’s such a jerk.”

          Suggestion: “Why don’t you quit and move on?”

The problem is, your friend hasn’t asked for a suggestion.

As practicing suggestologists we dispense advice in the lunch room, the grocery store and the kitchen table. Too often, we rarely shy from telling others exactly what we think.

·        We tell folks what to say (“Just tell him you’re not happy”);

·        We tell them what to do (“Go ahead, call her”);

·        We tell them how to think and how to feel (“Don’t let that bother you, don’t even think about it”).

To be fair, most suggestions are well-intentioned (“I just wanted to help.”) But too often, they’re unwelcome intrusions in a conversation. 

When a person complains about their job, they don’t necessarily want someone to tell them that it’s time to start looking for a new one. When a person struggles in a relationship, they don’t necessarily want someone to tell them that it’s time to find a new mate. And when a person reflects on a recent poor showing – in the boardroom or the ballfield – they don’t necessarily want someone to tell them what to do the next time around.

Subtle or direct, a USS remains a USS. If only we could wait for the question.  

Question: “I’m not feeling too well. I think I still have a fever. What do you think I should do?”

Suggestion: “Maybe you should call the doctor.”

Question: “I can’t stand my boss, he’s such a jerk. Do you think I should stay?”

Suggestion: “Maybe it’s time to start looking for something new.”

Parents: Living in the Land of USS

Parents, at every age, are adept at offering USSs (some years ago, on the way to school, I asked our youngest daughter to recall a recent USS from my lips; it took her less than two seconds to recount the latest!).

As parents, we live in the Land of USS for good reason – we care about our children, we want to protect them, keep them safe, happy and healthy.  We suffer when they hurt (emotionally or physically) and we worry about their future. But instead of waiting for the question (“What do you think I should do?”), we rush ahead and miss an opportunity to just listen.

So the next time a young one is airing it out, try listening as long as you can, then pose these five unambiguous words: “Would you like a suggestion?” Chances are they’ll respond with a quick “No, thanks,” but wait five minutes, or an hour or so, and you just might find they'll swing back and say: “OK, what is it, what’s your suggestion?”

Here’s hoping.

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Should we talk to strangers?

Kio Stark insists we should. In a stirring TED talk, Stark shares how talking to strangers can enhance our lives and open us to new opportunities.  Stark’s chief concern: by teaching our children, and ourselves, to fear strangers, we just may be closing ourselves off to meaningful encounters.

Stark is one of those rare humans who consciously makes contact with strangers, wherever she finds them.  And I can relate. I’m often struck by the fact that while 7.2 billion of us are, in essence, fellow travelers, we nonetheless spend much of our time separating from one another.

Not Stark. When she says hello to people on the street, as she often does, her four-year-old asks: “Do we know them?”

“No, they’re our neighbor.”

“Are they our friend?”

“No, it’s just good to be friendly.”

Stark pauses every time she says these words because, “as a woman, particularly, I know that not every stranger on the street has the best intentions.” But Stark insists: “It is good to be friendly, and it’s good to learn when not to be, but none of that means we have to be afraid.”

Author of the novel “Follow Me Down,” and the TED book “When Strangers Meet,” Stark cites two major benefits to using our senses instead of our fears:

“The first one is that it liberates us. When you think about it, using perception instead of categories is much easier said than done. Categories are something our brains use. When it comes to people, it's sort of a shortcut for learning about them. We see male, female, young, old, black, brown, white, stranger, friend, and we use the information in that box.

“It's quick, it's easy and it's a road to bias. And it means we're not thinking about people as individuals. I know an American researcher who travels frequently in Central Asia and Africa, alone. She's entering into towns and cities as a complete stranger. She has no bonds, no connections. She's a foreigner. Her survival strategy is this: get one stranger to see you as a real, individual person. If you can do that, it'll help other people see you that way, too.

“The second benefit of using our senses has to do with intimacy. I know it sounds a little counterintuitive, intimacy and strangers, but these quick interactions can lead to a feeling that sociologists call ‘fleeting intimacy’. So, it's a brief experience that has emotional resonance and meaning.”

Five ways to connect with strangers

So how do we do it?  What techniques can we use to connect with strangers? Stark offers five:

1.     Smile. “Find somebody who is making eye contact. That’s a good signal. The first thing is a simple smile. If you’re passing somebody on the street . . . smile. See what happens.”

2.     Triangulation. When you’re with a stranger, find a third object (e.g., a piece of public art, a scene on the street), then “make a comment about that third thing, and see if it starts a conversation.”

3.     Noticing. One popular way to connect is by simply giving a compliment. Says Stark: “I’m a big fan of noticing people’s shoes. . . . And they're pretty neutral as far as giving compliments goes. People always want to tell you things about their awesome shoes.”

4.     Dogs and Babies. “It can be awkward to talk to someone on the street,” notes Stark. “You don't know how they're going to respond. But you can always talk to their dog or their baby. The dog or the baby is a social conduit to the person, and you can tell by how they respond whether they're open to talking more.”

5.     Disclosure. “This is a very vulnerable thing to do, and it can be very rewarding,” explains Stark. “So next time you're talking to a stranger and you feel comfortable, tell them something true about yourself, something really personal. . . . Sometimes in conversation, it comes up, people ask me, ‘What does your dad do?’ or, ‘Where does he live?’ And sometimes I tell them the whole truth, which is that he died when I was a kid. Always in those moments, they share their own experiences of loss. We tend to meet disclosure with disclosure, even with strangers.”

Stark’s bottom line: “If you don't talk to strangers, you're missing out. . . . We spend a lot of time teaching our children about strangers. What would happen if we spent more time teaching ourselves? We could reject all the ideas that make us so suspicious of each other. We could make a space for change.”

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Showering only once a day? It may not be enough

If you’re looking to spark your creativity, showering once a day might not be enough. 

Academy Award winner Aaron Sorkin, for instance, takes six to eight showers a day, telling Emily Chang in a Bloomberg TV interview: “I'm not a germaphobe. It has nothing to do with germs; it's all about a fresh start.”

Certainly, no one’s suggesting you spend half your day in the shower. But the point is worth making: creating periods of relaxation throughout your day (e.g., engaging in tasks that allow your executive functions to stand down) is critically important for stimulating creative thoughts and new ideas.

Explains Scott Barry Kaufmann, author of “Wired to Create” (as quoted in an article at italiers.com): “The relaxing, solitary, and non-judgmental shower environment may afford creative thinking by allowing the mind to wander freely, and causing people to be more open to their inner stream of consciousness and daydreams,” he said.

Adds author Jonah Lehrer (as quoted in bufferapp.com): “Why is a relaxed state of mind so important for creative insights? When our minds are at ease – when those alpha waves are rippling through the brain – we’re more likely to direct the spotlight of attention inward, toward that stream of remote associations emanating from the right hemisphere. . . . It’s not until we’re being massaged by warm water, unable to check our e-mail, that we’re finally able to hear the quiet voices in the backs of our heads telling us about the insight. The answers have been there all along – we just weren’t listening.”

When our minds wander, we enter what psychologists call the “incubation period,” freeing up our subconscious for unique and novel thoughts. During this state, neuroscientists report, dopamine pumps into our system, allowing our creative juices to flow. A piece in openculture.com points out: “Renowned neuroscientist Alice Flaherty theorizes that the key biological ingredient in incubation is dopamine, the neurotransmitter released when we’re relaxed and comfortable. ‘People vary in terms of their level of creative drive,’ writes Flaherty, ‘according to the activity of the dopamine pathways of the limbic system.’ More relaxation, more dopamine. More dopamine, more creativity.”

The key, then, is to build periods of relaxation into our daily routine (or what one author calls “strategic slacking”).

How do you spark your creativity?

Naturally, we all possess a wealth of creative potential – the challenge is finding ways to unleash it. Have you ever heard a friend say: “Oh, I’m not really a creative person.”  Sorry, I’m not buying it.  Creativity isn’t confined to writers, artists, sculptures and musicians – it touches every field (e.g., medicine, engineering, finance) and everyone.  When I hear someone declare: “Oh, I’m just not creative,” it brings to mind what a teacher once shared: “If you ask a room of first graders: ‘Who can draw?  Who can sing?  Who can dance?’ everyone’s hand goes up.  If you pose the same question to a group of 6^th graders, half the hands go up. If you ask it again in 11^th grade only one or two hands will rise.”

Therein lies our problem.  Since creativity affords no absolute measure, the challenge shifts to how we perceive ourselves, and our abilities. Showering, it appears, is a wonderful way to spark creativity (one international study found that 72% of people get their best ideas in the shower).  But beyond the waterfall, the key is creating daily opportunities (cooking, gardening, long walks) that allow our mind to relax and unwind from the pressing demands of the day. 

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Should you pay your kids to do their homework?

If you’re paying your kids to do their homework, it just might be time to cash it in.

Not that it can’t work.  It can, and it does.  One study*, in fact, found that paying children to complete their homework raised math scores by three-quarters of a grade (though no similar increases were realized for reading, social science and science). And other studies have shown that paying for homework is far more effective than paying for grades.

But a rising tide of research, and psychological analysis, points in the opposite direction. Three key conclusions:

1.      Paying your child to do their homework is a short-term solution. Explains psychologist and author Eileen Kennedy-Moore, as quoted in a time.com article penned by Francine Russo: “The occasional parental bribe won’t turn a child into a pumpkin and may be useful for getting over a short-term hump with a specific behavior. . . . But for more important and more long-lasting behaviors, it makes sense to look for more enduring solutions.” Added Kennedy-Moore: “[Paying kids to complete their homework] can lead to a very unattractive bargaining attitude, where kids demand, ‘What do I get if I do that?’ ”

2. Monetary rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation for learning. Explained Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, in an article for education.com: “Unfortunately, well-known research by Edward L. Deci and others concluded that students who were paid for specific activities exhibited a decrease in intrinsic motivation to perform those activities. Many studies since Deci’s groundbreaking research replicated the findings that any kind of rewards – whether candy, class credits, awards, tokens or prizes – have the same result: a weakened internal drive toward the rewarded behavior.”

3.      Cycle of dependency. An article at webmd.com quotes author Elizabeth Pantley: “Although the bribe can produce short-term results -- stopping temper tantrums or getting a kid to do homework – it can also ‘up the ante’, setting up a continuous cycle of crying and bad behavior.”

In her article for time.com, Russo cites research by Harvard economist Roland Fryer who conducted a series of randomized experiments to see if “paying kids to do academic tasks like reading more books” would improve academic performance. It didn’t. Fryer’s conclusion (after paying $6.3 million to 38,000 students in 261 schools): “The impact of financial incentives on student achievement is statistically zero in each city,” according to his study findings which were published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics.

Solutions?

So if greenbacks aren’t the best idea, what’s a parent to do?  When your child says “I’ll do it later,” or “I don’t have any homework,” what’s the best approach? Below are half a dozen suggestions, courtesy of experts in the field, to help you navigate the homework minefield.

1.      “Eliminate the word ‘homework’ from your vocabulary and replace it with the word ‘study’”, according to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, authors of “The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose.” In other words, have “study” time, and set up a “study” table. Say Moorman and Haller: “This word change alone will go a long way toward eliminating the problem of your child saying, ‘I don't have any homework’."

2.      Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal responses, add Moorman and Haller. And Nancy Cedillo, of Liberty Township, agrees (as quoted in a piece by Cindy Kranz, writing for the Cincinnati Enquirer): “I believe verbal praise and lots of it is the way to go - complimenting them lots and lots on the quality of their work and on not complaining about it. . . . With the reward system, they get the message that they're doing it for mom and dad, and to get this or that. Then, when the next assignment or job come up they'll think, ‘What will I get if I do this?' It's the wrong message.”

3.      Ignore the whining.

4.      Keep ‘em close. Explains James Lehman, writing for empoweringparents.com: “For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence while they work. We call that technique ‘proximity’.”

5.      Remove distractions – TV, Internet, phone, iPad.

6. Reward your children with the gift of time, not material benefit.

Finally, some important perspective from Kranz: “Parents have to realize lack of academic motivation is pretty normal. You need to take the attitude there's nothing wrong with your kid. He just doesn't want to sit there and do math problems. He's not rebellious. You're not a bad mom. He's not a bad kid.”

______________

*Eric Bettinger, an education policy expert at Stanford University, reported slight improvements only in math scores. The modest improvements, where they occurred in both sets of experiments, says Bettinger, should not be completely dismissed. “The math scores showed about a three-quarters of a grade improvement, which is nothing to scoff at.” It’s possible, the researchers say, that different study conditions might produce better results, but so far the evidence doesn’t support the benefits of enticing children with money.

A little less L&L, a little more R&R

“The whole world can't lick us but we can lick ourselves by longing too hard 

for things we haven't got any more - and by remembering too much.” 

– Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

“You cannot find strength by loathing.” 

– Lailah Gifty Akita

We long for cloudless days, a slimmer body, time off, fine wine, erotic love, a long life, fame and fortune. We long for justice, happy endings and long, restful evenings. There often seems no end to the things for which we long.

In the world of private thought, “longing” seems the most natural of human forces. What power they hold! Longing incites our imagination and motivates us to help those we love and those who suffer.

But, there are perils. Longing can hijack our lives and, too easily, cause disappointment, suffering and, in extreme cases, depression. When we long, it is said, we risk losing the moment. Can we resist? Unlikely. Instead, our challenge is to identify when longing turns from idle wonder to unhappiness – that is worth knowing.

Which leads to our first three questions: What do you long for? How much time do you spend longing? and Do your longings energize or enervate?

And then there’s loathing – longings’ evil twin. We long for Friday afternoons and loath Monday mornings. We long for the “good ’ole days” and loath daily demands. We loath public speaking, final exams, traffic, taxes, and household chores, and long for the moment they’re complete. 

What do you loath? How much time do you spend loathing? and Do your loathings lift you up or drain your spirit?

Our challenge is not to resist, says author Steve Hagen, but to recognize when longing and loathing interfere with our lives. Says Hagen: “When you notice that your mind is caught up in longing and loathing – leaning toward or away from something – don't try to stop it from leaning. As we've seen, trying to make a leaning mind stop leaning is just another form of leaning. ('I really want not to have a leaning mind'). Just be aware when your mind is leaning, and realize what leaning of mind actually is. With practice and attention to this moment, your mind will, of its own accord, lean less.”

As for rest and relaxation, healthywellbeing.com encourages us to listen to relaxing music, to sleep, to stretch, or do yoga. Or, perhaps, do nothing at all. They suggest that we: 1. Schedule time to rest and relax; 2. Ask for help from friends and family to take care of the kids; 3. Cancel unimportant appointments; and 4. Share housework/chores and responsibilities with others.

So, when opportunity strikes, try a little less L&L and a little more R&R.  You’ll be healthier for it.

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Is marriage on the way out?

The statistics are clear: with each passing decade fewer Americans are marrying, and fewer still are committed to the need for, and necessity of, the institution.  The reasons are clear but the long-term impact is not. 

Two statistics stand out:

·        Never married: by the year 2040, the Pew Research Center estimates that 25% of Americans will have never been married.

·        Life priorities: the Center posed this question to adult Americans of all ages: “Which statement best reflects your view? Society is better off if people make marriage and having children a priority, or society is just as well off if people have priorities other than marriage and children.” Of those ages 18-29, 67% said society is just as well off if people have priorities other than marriage and children. 

Why the retreat from marriage? 

Psychologists, economists and analysts cite a wealth of factors, among them:

·        The independence hypothesis: now that women have surpassed men in terms of college degrees and the wage gap is narrowing, their increased economic independence reduces their need for marriage;

·        Changes in technology, the law and cultural norms: the stigmas of cohabitation and children born out of wedlock are weakening, and technology has reduced the risks of premarital sex; and

·        Welfare programs: author Charles Murray, a political scientist for the American Enterprise Institute, argues that government welfare benefits and welfare policy has contributed, and possibly caused, the retreat from marriage.

The Big Shift

Without question, the traditional family model is fading – the fact is, this trend has been apparent for decades. In modern marriages (referred to, by some, as “hedonic” marriages), “there is little gender-based division of labor” and “consumption benefits are paramount,” according to professors Shelly Lundberg and Robert Pollak, in their article “The Evolving Role of Marriage: 1950-2010.” Lundberg and Pollak point out that where marriage once focused on production of household services, it now has shifted to investing in childrens’ human capital (clearly there are other driving forces – for older couples, for instance, marriage is both a symbol of commitment, and a desire to care for one another).  Said Lundberg and Pollak: “In our view, long-term commitment is valuable in early 21^st century America primarily because it promotes investment in children.”

At first glance, of course, this shift sounds desirable – after all, who isn’t in favor of supporting the next generation? The data is clear: those who can invest heavily in our children continue to marry, while those who cannot are less inclined to tie the knot (added Lundberg and Pollak: “For couples who lack the resources to invest intensively in their children . . . marriage may not be worth the cost of limited independence and potential mismatch”).

It all sounds reasonable enough. Except for one thing: this trend is creating a huge gap in “equality of opportunity.”  So more attention to equality of opportunity, not marriage per se, may be the golden ticket needed to lift up future generations.

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Are you stressed? Worry not, it might just be a good thing!

It may be time to rethink your view about stress.  

It isn’t always a bad thing.

Stress, we’re now learning, is part of our body’s survival system, a motivational force that helps us grow and accomplish tasks. Some researchers, in fact, maintain that it strengthens our immune system and boosts memory.

So let’s pause, for a moment, to distinguish good stress (known as “eustress”) from bad, and who better to teach us than Stanford professor Kelly McGonigal, author of “The Upside of Stress” who holds degrees in psychology and humanistic medicine.  Said McGonigal in an interview with goop.com:

“The most basic [notion] that’s faulty is the premise that there’s only one stress response, and that every time you experience stress you’re in a toxic state. That’s fundamentally not true. The body has a whole repertoire of stress responses. Sometimes when we experience stress we’re experiencing a state that is healthy, that makes us resilient, that makes us more caring and connected, that makes us more courageous. The experience might be physically similar in some ways to stress states that we would describe as debilitating anxiety or other negative stress states, but they are not toxic. There are a lot of different ways to experience stress.”

Stress, of course, is a neutral term (much like the word “diet” which now is associated solely with losing weight), defined by Hans Selye in 1936 as a “non-specific response of the body to any demand for change.” But over the years, McGonigal points out, it has come to be associated with “almost everything that defines what it means to be human.” Adds the Institute of Stress (yes, there is one, in Fort Worth, Texas): “Stress is not a useful term for scientists because it is such a highly subjective phenomenon.” 

Harnessing Eustress

Villanova University’s Division of Student Life offers a series of solid tips for managing stress. They define stress as “the body's way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.”  Their seven tips (which, though geared to students, might help all of us) are:

1. “Avoid overscheduling;

2. Be realistic – don’t try to be perfect, no one is;

3. Get a good night’s sleep;

4. Learn to relax;

5. Treat your body well;

6. Watch what you’re thinking; and

7. Solve the little problems – learning to solve everyday problems can give you a sense of control.”

Kimberly Snyder adds five additional tips, four common ones and one that’s somewhat unique – her five:  acceptance, breathe, meditate, exercise and volunteer (apparently, there’s strong research to support the notion that volunteering counteracts negative stress).

Stress and Decision Making

And how does stress affect your decision-making process?  A research study published by the National Institutes of Health* reports two major findings:

1.      Positive vs. Negative Outcomes – When we’re feeling stressed (probably the bad kind), we tend to overemphasize the positive outcomes and minimize the negative outcomes (the authors maintain that this is “possibly due to stress-induced changes in dopamine in reward-processing brain regions”); and

2.      Risky Decisions, Male vs. Female – Explained the authors: “Stress alters decision strategies – but in opposite ways for men versus women. . . Stress amplifies gender differences in strategies during risky decisions, with males taking more risk and females less risk under stress.”

* “Both Risk and Reward are Processed Differently in Decisions Made Under Stress”, authored by Mara Mather and Nicole Lighthall

How many bumps have you had today?

“We can’t have a crisis tomorrow.  My schedule is already full.” – Henry Kissinger

Looking for a bump-free day?  So am I. But I shouldn’t be.

A more realistic life-view would accede to the “Theory of Six Bumps,” which states simply: each day will surprise us with six bumps, that is, moments that we fail to anticipate, but must deal with nonetheless. The dog gets sick and does her business on the carpet (bump #1) . . . a friend desperately needs a ride to drop off his car (bump #2) . . . on our way to the office, we realize that we forgot one critical piece for the afternoon meeting (bump #3).

Bumps, of course, come in all shapes and sizes (misplaced keys, traffic at a standstill), and if we’re lucky, most bumps will be mild in nature. Certain ones may consume our lives for a stretch (e.g., sickness and weather-related tragedies), but the true casualty is our dream for a bump-free day. It may be time to revise that dream. Instead of anticipating a day free of mishaps (hope springs eternal), embrace the notion that, every day, you’ll encounter six bumps (some more demanding than others).  Rest assured, they’re coming.

Some time ago I shared the Theory of Six Bumps with my sister, and less than 48 hours later she called and reported, “Well, I’ve already had my six bumps today.” It was 10:30 in the morning (ouch!) and, as best I can recall, the bumps involved a parking ticket, a broken coffee pot and a computer glitch – not an ideal morning! I immediately thought to myself, then shared with my sister: “Well, it looks like you’re clear for the rest of the day.” She laughed, then recounted the frustrating details of her morning.

I often give voice to my bumps. Rushing to a morning meeting, I spot a traffic jam up ahead. Inside I’m thinking: “Bump #1”. Hours later, on the checkout line, I discover that I don’t have my credit card (bump #2) because I gave it to my daughter (an altogether different kind of bump). Once home, I realize that I’ve neglected to shut off the outside water valve and discover that the water line has burst (bump #3, and a sizable one at that).

Of late, one particular bump stands out: it’s Saturday morning, around 9:30am, when my wife hears a strange noise emanating from the air vent.  Within minutes we realize what’s happened: an animal is trapped in the duct system. As my frustration begins to mount, that this Saturday is about to disappear, I smiled to myself and said aloud: “Ah, bump #1.”  Six hours later the problem was resolved (I call this a “multi-hour bump”). And while frustration was still a part of my profile, the recognition helped immensely.

Might a bump-free day lie in your future?  Don’t count on it. Instead, just sit back and relax – and count ‘em if you wish.  But know this – the bumps will arrive again tomorrow . . . and the day after that.

Embrace ’em.  It’ll make life a heckuva lot easier.

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Introspection: are you doing it right?

When it comes to making ourselves feel better, by talking to ourselves or thinking through a problem, it’s easy to believe that we know what we’re doing. 

Perhaps not.

Let’s take self-talk. Research out of Ann Arbor maintains that we’re probably not doing it right. A study conducted at the University of Michigan’s Self-Control and Emotion Laboratory reveals that using your name – that is, your actual name – when you talk to yourself has a world of benefits (e.g., “I need to let that go” vs. “Steve, you need to let that go”).  Said the research abstract: 

“. . . These findings demonstrate that small shifts in the language people use to refer to the self during introspection . . .  influence their ability to regulate their thoughts, feelings, and behavior under social stress, even for vulnerable individuals.”

The research was led by Director Dr. Ethan Kross, and through seven exhaustive studies he and his colleagues concluded that talking to yourself in the third person “promotes self-distancing” and “may be useful in helping people cope not only with depression and anger related to ruminating over the past but also social anxiety surrounding the future.”

Why such a difference? Said a Bitofnews.com report, analyzing the Kross findings: “Self-advice delivered the through the first person ‘I’ . . . puts you in dangerously close proximity to your inherently egocentric self of sense . . . and thus hinders your ability to maximize your competency potential.” Kross and colleagues frame it this way: self-talk that uses your own name “allows people to transcend egocentric viewpoints.”*

The Limits of Introspection

Self-talk aside, what about our internal thought processes? Said author David Sze, in a stirring piece for the Huffington Post: “We give great weight to our introspections, but psychological research tells us that introspection is often a highly inaccurate source of self-knowledge.” Sze added: “An over-reliance on introspection trips one up – decreasing performance, reducing decision quality and even undermining self-insight.”

Sze identified three areas which inhibit introspection:

1.      Biases corrupt introspection. “We go through life with rose-tinted glasses glued to our faces, and we often forget that they are there,” said Sze. “Significant biases include the inclination to see oneself in a positive and socially desirable way (positivity bias), the tendency for people to interpret events in accordance to their previous beliefs and expectations (perceptual confirmation), and the need for self-consistency.”

2.      We cannot perceive or correct biases. Noted Sze: “These subconscious biases cannot be identified through the lens of introspection [and] even if we become aware of our skewed judgments, we find it hard to determine the specific level by which the bias had affected us.”

3.      We cannot penetrate our unconscious. Why can’t we access certain thoughts? It’s not because we repress them, it’s because of how our brain is constructed, and operates, maintains Sze. He explained: “Many researchers adopt the idea of the adaptive unconscious. These processes are not unconscious due to Freudian repression; they are unconscious due to the architecture of the mind.”

What to do?

Sze urges us to focus on two elements: 1. Education; and 2. Process Time. On the former, Sze encourages us to educate ourselves about various cognitive biases (and the situations where they may occur), and learn about possible corrections for these biases.  He notes: “We need to avoid underestimating our susceptibility to biases and overestimating the amount of control we has over our mental processes.”

Second, Sze recommends that we give ourselves the gift of time: “Researchers found that people who had limited time for reflection, or were under cognitive load (e.g., running out of mental RAM) were more likely to display positivity bias. . . . We are much better introspecters when we have sufficient time, energy, and focus (e.g., no multitasking).”

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* Reportedly, according to the bitofnews.com report, when we use our actual name it activates the brain’s cerebral cortex (the brain area linked to thought, awareness and perception). By comparison, when we use “I” in a sentence it activates the brain’s amygdalae, the brain’s emotional center.  

Will a messy desk make you more creative?

It may be time to mess things up.

If you’re looking to boost your creativity, it may be time to forgo neat and clean, to dispense with the notion that a tidy desk always equates to higher productivity. 

In a series of experiments, University of Minnesota marketing professor Kathleen Vohs and colleagues found that individuals experience a creative boost when working in a messy environment (what Vohs calls “visual disorder”). The takeaway, of course, is that when it comes to productivity – at work, at home, in school – messy has its place, alongside neat and clean. In Vohs’ research paper: “The Psychology of Messiness: How Disorder Can Make You More Creative,” her abstract emphasizes that: “. . . different environments suit different outcomes.”

So aside from “visual disorder,” what other elements promote creativity?

Drink Wine, Create a Mind Map, Keep Moving

These are three of a series of ideas shared by The Young Entrepreneurs Council, which reached out to its members to suggest ways to boost creativity.

1.      Drink Wine – Urged Erika London, founder of iAdventure.com: “Allow your employees to unleash their ideas outside the confining walls of an office over a glass or two of wine. You’ll be surprised how quickly the combination of a relaxed environment, and some vino will transform a casual hang out into an innovative meeting . . . .”

2.      Create a Mind Map – Explained Nathalie Lussier, foundation of Nathalie Lussier Media: “Start with a topic or question, and mindmap your way around it. Don’t censor yourself as you come up with all the surrounding topics and bubbles that go with your initial topics. This type of ‘hyperlinked’ thinking is what allows us to come up with new ideas. You can also go really deep on a thread, which can help spur creativity in other threads of your mindmap.  Mindmap as a group, and this takes on a whole new life!”

3.      Keep Moving – Shared Erica Dhawan, co-founder of Galahads: “To think creatively, keep moving. . . . Simply taking a walk while talking about important things makes the conversation more meaningful, so why do we sit in conference rooms instead of walking and talking? To think creatively. . . . What do I do? Bollywood dance breaks! Seriously — I have Bollywood-inspired Innovative Moves workshops.”

Thetinylife.com offered 10 tips of its own, we share three here:

1.      “Extend your social circle. . . . We often find ourselves in the company of very similar people with overlapping viewpoints on things . . . But I have found some of the most growth occurs when two groups of people come together. . . . The other viewpoint can also tease out weaknesses that need to be addressed.”

2.      “Take a shower. I thought I was the odd one when I said my best thinking happens in the shower.  I don’t know what it is about taking a shower, but it brings a clarity and peace that can be hard to find in the modern world.  Well it turns out that I am not as weird as I thought, because a study has been done about the power of showers to spur creative thinking.”

3.      Get tactile – try a white board, in place of a computer screen. “I am standing, writing fast [in a] stream of consciousness. When I am mulling something over, I am pacing, tossing a ball, doing something other than sitting still.  I think the big space of the white board and hand writing are key.  Often after a session like this, I will copy the board into a mind map on my computer.”

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Do you have a winning mentality?

“It’s time that each and every one of us make our decisions out of what we stand to gain, not what we might lose.” – Ian Robertson, “The Winning Effect”

If you’re a professional athlete, winning is clearly a priority. Take the current NBA or NHL playoffs, it's win and advance. Lose and go home. It’s a simple formula – for pro athletes, their livelihood depends on it.

But in many ways, so does ours.

Psychologists affirm what we know intuitively, that each of us is genetically programming to strive, to seek, to excel.  In the world of sports, the lines are clearly drawn, yet these same competitive forces guide our relationships, our careers, our decisions and our thoughts.

Competing - in sports and in business – has always been a central part of my life. I can still remember the day, many years ago, when a close friend told me, point-blank: “You’re the most competitive person that I’ve ever met.” I didn’t take kindly to the remark, and soon came to regard my burning desire to win as a negative force (I rated winning as a +1, and losing a -9, so I was highly motivated to win, to avoid losing!). Over time, however, I’ve come to realize that the competitive drive inside all of us – if harnessed in the right fashion – can help us grow, contribute and succeed.    

Two types of life success

In his book “The Winning Effect,” author and psychology professor Ian Robertson explains two types of life success (in an interview with bgtrustonline.com):

 “Success has two main elements to it . . . The first is objective success, that is you win a gold medal or a Nobel Prize or you get an Oscar nomination – by external standards you are successful. The second aspect is success in achieving goals which are authentic in terms of your own values and aspirations in life. By definition, only a few people can be successful vis-à-vis the first type of success but, potentially, everyone can feel successful in the second type.”

The desire to win, according to Robertson, is brain-altering: “Success increases testosterone in both men and women [which] in turn increases the brain’s chemical messenger dopamine, and that alters brain function.” So striving to win – on or off the court – is part of our physiological makeup. 

How can we fully harness, and appreciate, our desire to excel?

1.      Realize that planning and technical skills come first. Jeffrey Spencer, in a piece for psychologytoday.com, notes that: “All prolific winners know that life structure and soundness of action always precede talent and will in creating success. Just look around, there’s no shortage of people with incredible talent and will that have dismal, unfulfilled lives because they never developed the planning and technical skills to manifest their ambitions.” 

2.      Avoid trying to emulate a high achiever (if you’re a parent, don’t “hide the ladder”). Robertson maintains that trying to “follow in the footsteps” of a mentor or parent is a dangerous path. Explained Robertson, in the interview with bgtrustonline.com: “If your parent is very successful, but doesn’t accurately portray the bumps along the way to that successful stage [referred to as ‘hiding the ladder’] then, particularly if you admire your parents, you have an enormously high goal for yourself.”

3.      Embrace your desire to win (however you define it). Offered J. Patrick Dobel, in his blog “Point of the Game”: “The desire to win leads to testing oneself against others as a way to increase one's own development as a human and athlete. The outcome of these encounters can be . . .  personal growth . . . . These tests also generate innovation . . . .”

4.      Improve your success skills. Robertson emphasized, in that same interview, that: “Becoming a consistent winner is a learned skill anyone can learn at any time. We should never shy away from practicing or improving on our success skills as every time we succeed we pay homage to the gift of our talents, the opportunity to succeed, to our mentors, and the chance to inspire others to become their own champions . . . It’s time that each and every one of us make our decisions out of what we stand to gain, not what we might lose.”

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