Lasting love – what’s the magic ingredient?

What makes marriages last?  Apparently, it’s not how MUCH you love each other, it’s how closely your commitment level matches up.  Researchers from the University of Minnesota and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign report that marital instability results when you match a “strong link” with a “weak link”.  Explained the editors at Science Daily, who analyzed the study: “Two strong links will be benevolent and tolerant when the going gets rough. Two weak links may be lax about working things out, but their expectations are equally low – so there’s less friction. But when a weak link and a strong link pair up, the one with less investment has more influence – and stability is the loser.”

Six researchers – M. Minda Oriña of St. Olaf College; W. Andrew Collins, Jeffry A. Simpson, Jessica E. Salvatore, and John S. Kim of the University of Minnesota and Katherine C. Haydon of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign -- used the rich mine of data in the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation (MLSRA), coupled with a lab procedure, to look for the answers.

Author Orina explained: “The study contributes to our understanding of how we learn to love well. When you’re a baby or a teenager, “you are learning to manage your own needs and those of the people you care about,” Oriña says. “You learn: Can I come forward with a problem? What can I expect of the other person? And how can I do this in a way that everyone wins?”