Are you a perfectionist?

If so, we have some good news for you.  Two new books highlight the benefits of perfectionism and offer ways to harness its power. The first, called “The Perfectionist’s Handbook,” was authored by self-proclaimed perfectionist Jeff Szymanski who reviewed 20 years of research to frame his thesis.  The second, “Better By Mistake,” shares the healthiest sides of perfectionism.    

In the marketplace, as well as the kitchen table, perfectionism tends to take a bad rap.  Margarita Tartakovsky, associate editor at Psych Central (psychcentral.com), in reviewing Szymanski’s book, acknowledges that perfectionism can lead to anxiety, stress and paralysis.  But Tartakovsky, quoting Szymanski, says that “the problem with perfectionism isn’t in wanting things to be perfect, it’s in what we do with that desire.” Quoting Szymanski:

“. . . Research on perfectionism has found that striving to achieve personal standards (your intention) isn’t where the problem occurs. Instead, people run into trouble when they become preoccupied with making mistakes and doubting themselves excessively. These ineffective strategies are, in fact, what get in the way of reaching our desired outcomes.”

Tartakovsky explains: “Instead of eliminating your perfectionism, Szymanski helps you determine a way to use it so it actually works for you.”

Author Alina Tugend, in “Better By Mistake,” strongly supports the notion that there’s such a thing as healthy perfectionism.  Psych Central associate editor Therese Borchard both reviewed Tugend’s work and shared some of her own perfectionist tendencies.  In her blog for psychcentral.com, Borchard said: “Although perfectionism undoubtedly brings me suffering and pain, I’ve come to appreciate the snobby part of my personality because it also bears gifts, especially over time.”

Borchard defines adaptive perfectionists as those “who have perfectionist tendencies without having those tendencies rule, or ruin, their lives.”  Conversely, maladaptive perfectionists “need to be the best at everything, and if they make a mistake, it’s a crisis. . . . They have to hit all their marks all the time. Their need for perfectionism can sabotage their own success.”

If you’re a perfectionist, don’t fight it.  Instead, turn to Szymanski and Tugend for pathways to success.

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Afterword, on the drawbacks to perfectionism, from psychologist Mel Schwartz:

“In our culture we move relentlessly toward greater emphasis on achievement and goal attainment. We ask our children what their grade was, not what they learned. We tend to measure our lives in terms of success and achievement and lose perspective on what it may mean to live well. This ruptures any sense of balance in our lives. We seem to lose the capacity for wonder and awe. Could you imagine looking at a magnificent rainbow and complaining that the width of one color was imperfect because it was narrower than the other colors? Not only would that be ridiculous, we’d also be ruining the splendor of the moment. And yet that is exactly what we do when we judge ourselves for our imperfections. We forget that as humans we’re part of nature, as well. As such, we would benefit if we came into acceptance of the natural flow of life, which by the way, happens to be imperfect.”