When you praise someone (or yourself), are you doing it right?

When you praise someone (or yourself), are you doing it right?

Let’s start with some key research findings on the delicate art of praise:

·        Overly positive praise can backfire, leading children (particularly those with low self-esteem) to back away from future challenges;

·        Given the choice, use process praise (“You did a wonderful job”) instead of person praise (“You’re so smart”).  And here’s why, according to an article written by the Society for Research in Child Development (SRCD): “. . . [P]rocess praise sends the message that effort and actions are the sources of success, leading children to believe they can improve their performance through hard work. Person praise sends the opposite message—that the child’s ability is fixed.”

·        When praising a child, it’s important to avoid the word “incredible”;

·        Parents deliver more process praise to boys than girls; and

·        Inappropriate self-praise can have negative effects.

In study after study, the overriding message is clear: honest, realistic praise (whether given to others, or oneself) is desirable.  So choose your words, and your internal thoughts, carefully. 

Process Praise vs. Person Praise

What’s the difference?  Said SCRD, in their article posted at www.psypost.org: “. . . [W]hen parents praise the effort children make, it leads children to be more persistent and perform better on challenging tasks, while person praise (praising the individual) leads children to be less persistent and perform worse on such tasks.”

In one longitudinal study, led by Assistant Professor of Psychology Elizabeth Gunderson (then with the University of Chicago), researchers examined the relationship between praise and challenge-seeking, in toddlers ages one to three years old.  They found that children who were praised for their effort (as opposed to praised as individuals) had a more positive approach to challenges just five years later. Said Gunderson, quoted in a psypost.org article: “This study suggests that improving the quality of parents’ praise in the toddler years may help children develop the belief that people can change and that challenging tasks provide opportunities to learn.”

Avoid Inflated Praise (and the word “incredible”)

What constitutes inflated praise?  Often it’s the word “incredible” (e.g., Inflated praise: “You made an incredibly beautiful drawing!” Non-inflated praise: “You made a beautiful drawing!”).

Said Utretcht University psychologist Eddie Brummelman, as quoted in an article at www.psychologicalscience.org: “Inflated praise, although well-intended, may cause children with low self-esteem to avoid crucial learning experiences.”  The article continued: “Specifically, the researchers write, rave reviews for a mundane accomplishment can convey an unintended message: Now that you’ve excelled, we’re going to hold you to a very high standard. Since youngsters with low self-esteem are driven by a desire to avoid failure, this can prompt them to avoid challenges.”

Girls vs. Boys

Gunderson’s longitudinal study (cited earlier) found that boys and girls receive the same amount of praise overall, but that boys receive “significantly” more process praise than girls. Not surprisingly, said the researchers, “boys were more likely to have positive attitudes about academic challenges than girls and to believe that intelligence could be improved,” according to the SRCD article. The article quoted Gunderson, who said: “These results are cause for concern because they suggest that parents may be inadvertently creating the mindset among girls that traits are fixed, leading to decreased motivation and persistence in the face of challenges and setbacks.”

Praising Yourself

Research led by Young-Hoon Kim, PhD, of the University of Pennsylvania, found that it’s important for adults to accurately assess their performance, and that falsely boosting their self-esteem can have unintended negative consequences.

According to a press release from the American Psychological Association: “People who try to boost their self-esteem by telling themselves they’ve done a great job, when they haven’t, could end up feeling dejected instead.” Said lead author Kim, as quoted in the APA release: “These findings challenge the popular notion that self-enhancement and providing positive performance feedback to low performers is beneficial to emotional health. Instead, our results underscore the emotional benefits of accurate self-assessments and performance feedback.”

Added co-author Chi-Yue Chiu, of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore: “Distress following excessive self-praise is likely to occur when a person's inadequacy is exposed, and because inaccurate self-assessments can prevent self-improvement.” The study involved young people from both the U.S. and Hong Kong.

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